A must read

http://theodysseyonline.com/una/understanding-what-like-live-with-anxiety-disorder/340798

What Time is it?

  My intent of this project was to become more confident and to become happier with myself. To accomplish this I looked into different ways to achieve this and faced my fears of talking to people. This 20time project has really impacted me because it has changed my life for the better. Ever since I began this project I have been growing as a person. Because this project makes me feel more comfortable with myself I feel happier which in turn makes others around me happier. This project could also help others with their confidence issues because I learned that 95% of people struggle with some form of confidence issues. Although sometimes I did not want to be brave and try to knock down the walls of shyness and become more confident so I had to fight through that, this made me realize that it is all in my hands to make this change in my life. Without the will to get this done I would have never made any improvement. The thing about this kind of learning that works best for me is that I was able to do something for me and so it made me want to give it my all and make it the best it could be.The thing about this kind of learning that is a challenge for me is having enough time to make significant progress. Even though we had one day each week it was really only an hour out of our whole week so it was harder to have enough time to make as much progress as I would have liked. I think that this project was mostly a success, without this project I would not be able to have the confidence I do now. Just yesterday I have decided that I am going to go on a mission trip to Jamaica without really knowing anyone else going. So because I have done this project it makes me feel more confident it myself and the willpower to go on this trip. Still, I think that this project is a lifelong project where you can always make improvements. You can never stop working on your confidence rather it’s just smiling more or putting yourself out there. Because of this project I was able to work on some

of the IB world lit goals. This project helped me  become more of a more of an inquirer because I was able to learn more about myself. It also helped me become more knowledgeable about different ways confidence issues affect people. It made me more of a communicator because by being more confident in myself I was then able to communicate better. This project defiantly made me more of a risk- taker because this was always something I didn't really want to deal with and by dealing with it and taking an action I took a giant risk.

Bop to the Top ★

So our 20 time fair was a success! It was so great for me to be able to display my project to all of you guys by being able to be confident and talk to everyone with out freaking out! Just by doing that 20 time fair not only did it make me realize all of the progress I have made on this project, it made me feel really good about myself! Many people told me that they they would have never guessed that I had confidence issues! So that really made me feel good! 

This is a photo of me and my friend kayla at the 20 time fair! 

I have been working really hard this week to smile more at people and to not cross my arms so much. I have found that I cross my arms a lot so it makes people find me unapproachable so just by not crossing my arms, not only do I feel more confident in myself others approach me more. Also I found that many people think that I am just snobby if they don't know that I am shy because I don't address them. So I just wanted to say I am so sorry to anyone who thought that! Haha I hope no one thinks that but you never know.. 

Anyways these past few weeks have helped me a turmenduois amount and I hope that it continues to help me for the rest of my life!  

Gotta Go My Own Way

These past few weeks have had many challenges and also high points. So this last week I played in my first match. Even though I wasn't to nervous I still felt like I wasn't as confident as I should be. The thing I said the most was "I'm sorry!" because I thought I was losing the match for my other teammate. Then my teammate came up to me and told me I need to be more confident in my abilities and just believe in myself. And so I did. Even though we lost, once I was able to relax I was able to enjoy myself and I had a good time! I also had a panic attack last week in anatomy class when we were taking blood pressure and I almost passed out so yeah theirs that. I have been talking to someone about why I have confidence issues and they said that it is because I have a chemical that is released into my brain when I am nervous that causes my brain to go foggy and I can't think straight. That is why I don't talk in large group discussions or anything because i am so nervous that I can't talk right. This week I challenged myself to read a larger out loud in our small group for Antigone. This was pretty hard for me and even though I struggled with it I still got though it! So I guess that is one step towards gaining some confidence!
Even though I may not seem like I am making big strides in this project but just by doing this blog and opening up to you guys is a major part of this project. I usually am really quiet and hidden but by being out in the open this is a major step for me. So I hope that I can continue growing in this project and making smaller steps that result in one big one!
 I am starting to freak about this 20-time "Pitch" because I don't know what to include in my visual but if you guys have any ideas to let me know! Please come to our pitch next Tuesday!

Everyday

This week I met with my mentor, Drew Tablott for the first time since I began this project. I talked to him about what this project is all about and how I plan on gaining more confidence thought this project. I talked to him about different ideas on how to achieve this and he gave me one simple task to follow. Eye contact. He told me once I am able to make eye contact with others the rest will come easily. He said just a smile and eye contact will help me feel more open with others. When he said this I thought it would be really easy to do but to be honest it is so hard. He gave me the task of just make eye contact and smile at every person that I went on mission trip with this spring break in the hallway this week. So far out of the 30 some kids, I have only done this to about 3. And yes one was my sister. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to preform such a simple task. I hope this week I am able to make more of a dent and try to communicate more with people. I think that by being able to do such a simple thing it will boost my confidence and help me become a stronger person! 

Now or Never

  Sooo,  to be 100% honest, I really haven't been making as much progress as I would like on this project. I seem to be stuck. Some days I feel so confident in myself but then the next it is low. The thing is I don't really know why I struggle with confidence and what makes me so shy. I want to figure out the root of my problem but really I have absolutely no clue how to do that.  I want to be able to go up and talk to people when ever I want without rehearsing conversations in my head or be able to be more free spirited and just go with the flow.
 One thing that I think could be pretty easy to work on that involves my lack of confidence is decision making. When it comes to making decisions, even the smallest ones, I am very indecisive. I have been told this by many people that it is almost annoying how indecisive I am. So this week I am going to try to be more confident in my decisions and stick to them. I think by doing this it may boost my confidence a little, which will inspire me to try bigger things in the future!
   I knew when I chose this topic it would be a big challenge to me and I am right. I know that this 20 Time project may not be able to fix this issue but I hope that, if I really try it can impact my life in a positive way!

The Start of Something New

   So apparently there are 4 steps in being more confident in yourself, so this next week I am going to try and follow these steps and see how the work out for me and report back next week my results! Here are the steps:

 

Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or situations

This means I need to find places that make me feel less comfortable, such as school and large groups.

Step 2: Become aware of thoughts and beliefs

Next I need to think about what I think about I think about when I am put in these situations. What makes me feel uncomfortable in these situations and why do I feel less confident in myself? 

Step 3: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

Then I need to challenge myself to figure out how to stop making myself feel inadequate and figure out why I try to make myself feel this way.   

Step 4: Adjust your thoughts and beliefs

Lastly, I need to find ways to change my thoughts and feelings about situations and help make myself feel more positive in them! Some ways to do this is by using hopeful thoughts, forgiveness, thinking positive and encouragement! 

I am excited to see how this works out for me and I hope to have positive results to report back next week! 

All of these ideas were found using the website:  http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374?pg=2